The truth. The whole truth.

I'm delirious. Last night I managed to stay up until 5 a.m. in order to complete a 15 page review. The book was good but around 2 a.m. even good books start losing my interest.

So why am I delirious? Well, for one, I am trying my best to function off of two hours of sleep, which wouldn't be so bad if I was in a deep, deep, deep, sleep right now. Unfortunately, I have three more projects due tomorrow. (I overextended myself. Remember? I admitted this in previous post.) My philosophy was to complete the hardest one first....so I attempted to tackle the 17 page review I was assigned to write on a biography about dying. (Yes, the pay is equal for the amount of pages I write -- for those who are in shock about the page count.)

The book, in short, is a confusing essay full of scientific and technological jargon written in response to questions from the most overanalytical person I have ever read. I am overanalytical and love to argue for the sake of arguing, so I can stomach many things, but Tim's (his name) biography I just cannot. His theories are ______ (I left a blank because I actually cannot find a word to describe his theories). He spends an entire chapter defending the use of drugs and their positive effects on human beings (including heroin, which is proud to say he has tried). What I found most appalling -- yes it gets worse than him urging the President to legalize all drugs -- was his description of Jesus Christ. Let me quote this here:

"The other theory is that life was designed by ananthropomorphic police-power freak named Jehovah. He's an all-powerful desert-macho dictator who runs around interrogating, arresting, and condemning anyone who doesn't follow his rules or bow down to him regularly."

The entire book is Tim's ramblings. He states all of his opinions, sites no supporting evidence to back up his opinions, and (in my opinion) talks about so much scientific and psychological garble that the reader thinks he is just doing this on purpose.

Did I mention that Tim is dead? He died in the process of completing his book (which I said was on dying, remember?) I wanted to have sympathy for him, I really did, but after reading his description of Jesus Christ, now all I have for him is pity and curiousity -- wondering what he makes of heaven and hell now that he has had a chance to stand before this Jehovah he speaks horrible of.

I am rambling... My point is that I couldn't complete this review. It wasn't really because of his opinions -- everyone has an opinion. I am not threatened by those who believe differently than I do. I couldn't complete the review because I was delirious from completing the previous projects. I am so stressed right now that I am exhausted, weak and almost fainted two hours ago.

Now I can add fear to the list of emotions going chaotic inside of me. I had to write the editor a letter of truth. I asked her to assign me another book before I jump off of my balcony trying to figure out Tim. What will she say? I don't know. Will she be angry and give me a poor rating (I am rated for this. I have turned in two previous projects for her without any problems.)?

I am constantly reassuring myself that things will work out fine. I am an editor by day too. It's a pain to have someone not write on something I assigned, but I applaud those writers who are honest enough to tell me instead of just missing the deadline and not even bothering to call and at least try to lie -- even if to make me feel better and make me think they actually care (you know who you are!). Hopefully this editor will applaud my honest and continue to give me work.

In the end, good or bad rating, I have no regrets. I did my best. I told the truth. That is all I am responsible for.

Okay, now who wants to be a writer? Don't all raise your hands at once. Anyone?